Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
