High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
