The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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