you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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