Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
