So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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