yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
