just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
