Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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