I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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