I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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