the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
