So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
