Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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