You can't special order awesome
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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