You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
