Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
