She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
