I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
