Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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