found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
