So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
