i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
