i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
