I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
