He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
