Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
