your thong is hanging out like whoa
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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