so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
