Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
