im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
