oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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