Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
