I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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