what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
