I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
