I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
