bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
