I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
