It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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