Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
