I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
