weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
