It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
