And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
