My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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