He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
