His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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