Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
