I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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