Who wears a wallet chain?!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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