Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
