Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Mom said you looked used
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
