guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
