he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
