Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
try to milk me bitch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
