I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
