I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
