I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
