yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's blow job season.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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