i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
