I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
